Language camp ended about a week ago. This time around everyone was sick, but we were all so so happy. I love my Hungarian friends, but they can't fully get your experience like a community of exchange students can, and after a long couple months nothing beats kicking back with some homies from your home country.
Even though camp was great, I was still excited to get back home. It was really bittersweet and awkward though. As we were boarding the bus to the train station after our last breakfast together, we all kind of realized that we had passed one of the major benchmarks. It was always in the back of my mind, and I'm sure many of the other exchange students' minds, that the second language camp meant we would have to leave soon. I guess it just always seemed like it was part of the distant future, like graduation or filling out job applications. You know it'll happen someday, but today is just never the day until suddenly it is.
When you arrive in your host country the timeline is usually something like: get adjusted to school and family, make it to the travel ban, and get through Christmas. That's all I could think about. Now I'm done with camp, we all realized the only milestone left is Euro Tour in May. Then we have to leave. Where did the time go! I only have four-ish months till I'm back in the States. Talking about this with my friends at camp made me--and I'm sure many other people--feel super weird. I can only describe the feeling as homesickness. I know, homesickness is normal and expected. There's really nothing weird about it. The weird thing is that I don't really know what--or where--I'm homesick for.
It's no news to me that I've become really attached to my Hungarian life. The difficult thing is that my Hungarian life and my States life are different. Just the other week my friends and I were talking about how we've been having weird dreams. Things like our biological families speaking our host language, or our host families being in our houses in our home countries. And it's not just a one time one student thing. I have polled a lot of my exchange friends, and it turns out a lot of people are having dreams reconciling parts of their lives from both countries almost every night. I don't think it's a coincidence.
Talking about our dreams took a turn for the dramatic when we realized that we couldn't remember a lot of things about our host countries (sidenote: it might have just been my fault, I have mentioned it first and incited slight hysteria). Some of it was just little things: the directions to our high school, what we usually ate for dinner, the Netflix password...
But, there are also huge things that have been forgotten. Personally, I feel really guilty about it. I realized I've kind of forgotten what people look like or sound like. For example, I was trying to describe Erick to someone the other day, but ended up having to look up a picture to show them (sidenote: sorry baby brother, you know I love you). It's not like I couldn't recognize them if I saw them on the street, but it's still nerve wracking to know you only have a general idea of what the people you've lived with for seventeen years look like. Eventually the guilt builds up and you start to feel a little homesick, at least I have been, which I think is a natural response. When you feel bad about something you tend to obsess over it.
There's really no kind way to say it, but I kind of forget sometimes that I have a life outside of Hungary. I've been so content over the last six months (sidenote: yikes) that time passed and I didn't really remember I had stuff to do and people to keep in touch with in the States. Sometimes it feels like I only message my parents when something goes wrong or I need help. (sidenote: and I'm really sorry for that you guys. It's not on a purpose I promise). But, ever since I got my return flight information during camp, it's all I can think about. I'll leave from Budapest at 5:30 in the morning I think, and arrive in the States at 6:00 pm the same day. I'm so excited to go back, and I feel like I could leave this second. I also cannot believe it's really happening.
On June 28th I'm going to leave my family. On June 28th I'm also going to return to my family.
And, I'm sure the second I get back it's going to feel like all of this was one big dream. I'm already having a hard time believing I got this lucky.
(sidenote: I just wanted to end this blog post with puszi for everyone that I haven't kept up with. I said it wouldn't happen, but it did and I'm sorry. My affection for everyone in the States has not diminished though, and I promise to break out my mad Hungarian cooking skills and catch up with you the moment I'm back :) )
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